LISTENER'S STORIES
This page is devoted to my listeners. Selections are representative of real-life stories, submitted to me in response to the programs or program topics. Actual names are used only with permission.

Silent Suffering: Post-abortion Trauma
by Tricia Goyer

I sank into the rocker as the television reported the murder of a little girl. In my heart the newscaster was speaking directly to me: "She was innocent. She didn't have a chance. Her future was snatched away." It seemed he was no longer talking about the girl, but about another helpless victim - the baby I aborted in 1987.

Pain coursed through my chest as I thought back to my sophomore year in high school and my secret sins. How wrong I was to succumb to the lies, believing a simple procedure would set me free.

If an abortion promised freedom, why did pain shackle my heart?

My experience that day was not uncommon. It occurred many times in many ways. Some nights, images of my moments on the doctor's table flooded my head like evil voodoo dancers-spinning, growing, mocking me.

Would I ever find relief?

I was a Christian, and I knew God had forgiven me. But could I ever forgive myself?

Lie #1 - Receiving forgiveness will automatically erase the pain of the past:
"A woman's testimony on the radio about her own healing after an abortion touched a chord with me," my friend, Nancy told me. "As I listened to her speak, something in me broke and I wept uncontrollably. I was shocked at the intensity of pain, but I also realized how much God cared about the hurt I was hiding. Even after receiving His forgiveness, I had to face the pain and allow God to faithfully heal me one layer at a time."

Lie #2 - I can't tell anyone about my past:
"A lot of women in the church are afraid to talk to anyone about it if they've had an abortion. They feel that it's the unforgivable sin," author Francine Rivers said in an interview in The Page Turners Journal (April 1997). Rivers, who also faced pain after having an abortion, believes the first step is speaking out.

For myself, healing started when I attended a post-abortion Bible Study. Even though I knew the statistic that one in four women have had an abortion, I felt as if I was the only Christian woman dealing with this. When I sensed understanding - and even love - as I shared my story, the chains of fear that had held me prisoner for so long were finally broken.

Lie #3 - I am worthless. I can never be used by God:
"After my abortion, I thought I was worthless," my friend, Kathy, confessed, "but God showed me that - with His help - I can use my pain to help others." Kathy now shares this message with women around the country: "No matter what you've done, no matter how you feel about it, God loves you, and He's here to help."

Today, Nancy, Kathy and I are thankful for the peace that has replaced the pain. Though we still have difficult moments and sad memories, because of Jesus we are silently suffering no more. Tricia Goyer www.thegoyers.com/dustandashes, fromdustandashes@hotmail.com

Untitled
by Janice Chaffee

In my first year of college, I met the man of my dreams. We were young, passionate Christians and tried our best to be "good" but the night finally came when our desire outweighed our intent.

A few weeks later, my suspicions were confirmed. My boyfriend's response to the news was the same as my own: "What are we going to do?"

My parents had invested a lot of money in my music lessons, college tuition, and future. I knew my pregnancy would disappoint them. They would feel shame for my failure.

I knew how the adults in my church would respond - with condemnation. Even though I had often heard about grace in sermons, I mostly heard gossip and intolerance in the congregation.

I didn’t know if God had an opinion about abortion. This topic was not regularly discussed from the pulpit or in my Sunday School class.

There were no pregnancy crisis centers at the time, so believing there were no other options, I made what I thought was the all-around best decision. Best– or easiest – for my boyfriend, my parents, my church, and my future.

After my abortion, I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. The deed could not be undone and my life had to go on. I begged God for His forgiveness - and received it.

A few months later, I sat in my friend Gina’s (not her real name) bedroom and questioned her obvious sadness.

“I had an abortion a few days ago,” Gina tearfully replied. I listened to her shocked realization of pregnancy, her parents’ horrified reaction and their insistence on an abortion.

“Gina,” I whispered, “I know how you feel. I had an abortion not long ago and felt so guilty. But Jesus forgave me. And he’ll forgive you. He wants to live in us and give us a new start.” I prayed out loud, and we immediately felt God’s presence and comfort.

Right then I knew that God could use me to help girls who had made the same choice. I was excited about the future and did not expect the disaster that followed.

Gina’s mother called my mother the next day. “So, I hear you have skeletons in your closet, too.”

“What are you talking about?” my mother asked.

“Gina told me that your daughter had an abortion.”

Fury met me at home. “What did you think you were doing, telling Gina?” my mother raged.

“I prayed with her,” I shot back. “Isn’t that the point of being a Christian – telling others there is forgiveness for every sin? Even mine?”

In the years that followed, I decided that it was appropriate to tell my story; to tell the truth about my past. Our lives can become living examples of God's mercy and forgiveness. We tell our stories to promote truth: we make wrong choices, we sin, but God loves us as we are and has a glorious vision of who we can become - reflections of his grace.

The above excerpt is from the book Sisters, The Story Goes On by Janice Chaffee. Her most recent book on the parables is titled If the Prodigal Were a Daughter. For more information, visit www.JaniceChaffee.com.